Where’s the Romance?

A reader recently asked, with so many booty call and one-night-stand posts on my blog, do I truly want to be in a relationship? Others have asked the same question, and so I’ve chosen to respond in this post.



First of all – I actually don’t write about booty all that often. Take a look inside the navigation tabs at the top of the page, and you’ll see several categories:

• Dating (Online dating, Dating in real life, How to meet singles, Dating for single parents) • Hookups • Divorce (Single parents and Two-home families, Addressing stereotypes and discrimination) • Family (Modern family life) • Recipes (Healthy food, Cocktails) • Misc (Random musings, Self awareness, Video fun, Silicon Valley Moms Blog posts)

Of these six categories, the booty call section has the fewest entries. It’s not like I’m always blogging about booty – it simply catches the eye of a lot of readers. So much so that several readers think it’s all I write about.

There are many positives to single parenting, including getting to make all the decisions regarding your kids and household without having to negotiate with a spouse, free time for yourself when your ex has custody, getting the chance to learn new skills like cooking.

Unfortunately, a few single mom blogs (and maybe single dads, too, though I haven’t seen them) have taken their single-parenting independence to an extreme, celebrating the lack of man in their life to a point they come across as man-haters. Most aren’t like this but a few are. Whether they truly hate men or not, those are damaging thoughts to fixate on for them and their readers. They might be better served by focusing on the joyful feelings they want to attract.

But there are downsides to single parenting – the lack of intimacy, lack of communication, competition with an ex for the kids’ attention, being labeled with unfair stereotypes. I think we can all agree that sex is an elixir. It can take us out of our thoughts, worries, bodies. It can lift the spirit. It makes us feel good. Sadly, many single parents routinely go long stretches without sex, me included. It can be maddening.

The occasional booty call can provide a momentary feeling of closeness, intimacy, lust, passion, comfort. In the end, is it fulfilling? No. For me as a man lacking feminine energy in my life, a booty call is merely a momentary respite from intense feelings of aloneness. Do I have booty calls all the time? No. Not everything I blog about happened yesterday. I waited a few weeks to blog about a coffee date that turned into booty. That gave me time to process the experience internally, and maintain privacy. Am I a player? No. I’m a man who doesn’t hide my feelings of lust and desire from my female readers. I won’t pander. I try to tell things straight. Does admitting to sexual thoughts and feelings make me bad? No. Jimmy Carter had lust in his heart, and he’s considered a humanitarian. Sex is part of the human experience.

Booty calls and hookups are a cultural phenomenon, an artifact of modern dating. I write about them because they happen, they’re frustrating, they’re disappointing. Just like I’ve written about the pitfalls of online dating. I want single parents and parents contemplating divorce to understand – sex and romantic love is not an intrinsic part of a single parent’s life. And that sucks.

Where’s the romance? Romance is a wonderful thing, and I’ve experienced it, for sure. Just last summer I dated a woman and it was quite romantic – dining out, cooking in, picnicking, hiking, kissing in a redwood forest. Have I blogged about that? Um, no. That’s not my style. I’d rather keep the details of those moments private. There’s nothing wrong with tapping into fantasy, plenty of romance novels already offer that. Instead, I strive to spill the sometimes gritty, sometimes beautiful truth about life as a single parent.

Finally – my booty call posts are a hit with readers. They are some of my most-read posts, and I routinely get emails from readers (mainly women) who ask when I’ll share another hookup story. I also get emails asking for relationship and dating advice, parenting advice, divorce advice, etc. It’s a definite mix. Which is why I write about all those things.

Do I want a real relationship? Yes. And meanwhile I’ll keep writing about the many facets of being a single dad. The ups and downs and humorous moments of parenting and dating. And I’ll continue celebrating women and their feminine energy.

Women are wonderful. And I want one in my life again.


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